3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
