dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
