so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
