I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
