i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
