Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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