just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
