I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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