She's JV to your varsity
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
