Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
