I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize