I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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