In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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