I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Randomize
