You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
