areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
