So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
