sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
