My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
bring money and cleavage
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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