I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
