Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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