You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
