I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
