On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the day after is always just damage control
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
