My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
