At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
