Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
