His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
NoShamevember. You game?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
