just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
