I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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