It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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