he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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