dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
