i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize