We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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