dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
