i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I woke up under a house in Key West
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
