I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
