Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We have started to decorate penises.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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