I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
