My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize