You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
