It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
