ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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