I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
