my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we're chasing vodka with high fives
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
