she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
