just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Randomize
