Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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