so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
