butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
