I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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