piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
