I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
