I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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