have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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