Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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