one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
