i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
