I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
