Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
