I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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