Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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