i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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