at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He better not be in your backpack
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
