i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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