did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize