I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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