Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
