she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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