i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
