I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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