I am in a vortex of obligation.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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