Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
