Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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