can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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