Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
