my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
