So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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