The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
