How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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