And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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