Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
