dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
