new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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