i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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