the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
