She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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