i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
