Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You are the jesus of drinking
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
