i just wanna soil my oats bro
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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