They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
