Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He has the fingertips of a God
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