"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
