I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
