i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
