well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
