I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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